Third Thursday of the month.... that's S.A.S.S. night. The support group we started, S.A.S.S.(Support for Adult Survivors of Suicide) meets every third Thursday... every month.... that's something you can count on. You can also count on the fact that we'll be there, ready to share our story, ready to hear the stories of others, ready to offer support and hope for healing. You can be sure that others will come, who have unfortunately also lost someone they love to the tragedy of suicide.
But what you CAN'T be sure of.... is how many people will come, and what the night's discussion will stir up within yourself. I always know that on a S.A.S.S. night, I'll relive the horrible days surrounding Byron's death, Christmas 1991. That's a given. I'll remember the color of the lighter. I'll remember the jeans and tank top he was wearing, that were burned beyond recognition. I'll remember that Pump #6 at that Exxon station held his fate. But what I don't know, what isn't a given, is that sometimes I feel the anger, sometimes I feel the guilt, sometimes I feel the confusion... yet other times I feel sorry for my first husband. Sorry that he chose death, over watching his remarkable son grow up. I feel sorry for the weakness and depression that consumed him, to the point of desperation and death. I feel sorry that ANYONE has that level of despair in their life.
So I take this moment to shout to God my thanks and praise, that I know I'm loved, and I know that there's always a promise of tomorrow, the promise of a new day!!! I also shout to you, my family and friends, my gratitude and love.... thank you for loving me, thank you for supporting me, and please be assured of my love and support for you as well. If there's any one thing I'd like to pass along on this beautiful summer night, it's the importance of telling those you love, just that... say those words to everyone that is important to you... I am right now!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!
Have a super Friday, and rejoice in the weekend!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
My Son's a STAR!!!
Yes he is! Matthew, (my oldest son... my 6' tall baby) starred in the Thompson Summer Theater production of SOUTH PACIFIC, he's Emile de Beque, the French Planter..... and he pulled it off marvelously! All the kids did a great job, but of course this mom was awed by one actor in particular. I didn't know he could sing like that!!! Well, I guess I did, but still, I was amazed, proud, and so impressed by him. Touched my heart for sure!!!
As for other areas of the day... it's FRIDAY! That's about all I can say. I was hoping my boss would have been in to visit with me this week (as he had promised he'd be in "first thing" Wed. morning... I'm still waiting), but apparently other things have gotten his attention. Just another indication where the morale of his company foundation fits into his concerns. I do have a lot to be positive about though, as this bump in the road has/is giving me new opportunities, and new optimism for a brighter future.
Benjamin is also going to be shining his star this weekend! He has a baseball tournament that runs today through tomorrow. He plays second baseman, and does a great job. His batting is improving, and it'll be fun to watch his games. He lives and breathes baseball, so this weekend, and next weekend, are big highlights for him.
As the week went from very rocky at its beginning, to more calm now, I remind myself how fortunate I really am. Regardless of my happiness or frustration where work is concerned, I have a rock-solid family, who loves me, and I love them, and their talents and joy shine forth endlessly. God is so good!
Live this weekend with zest, and joy! As I always say, life's too short to sweat the small stuff (just pack it up in a box, and move out of the office.... the rest will fall into place with ease and grace). ha!
As for other areas of the day... it's FRIDAY! That's about all I can say. I was hoping my boss would have been in to visit with me this week (as he had promised he'd be in "first thing" Wed. morning... I'm still waiting), but apparently other things have gotten his attention. Just another indication where the morale of his company foundation fits into his concerns. I do have a lot to be positive about though, as this bump in the road has/is giving me new opportunities, and new optimism for a brighter future.
Benjamin is also going to be shining his star this weekend! He has a baseball tournament that runs today through tomorrow. He plays second baseman, and does a great job. His batting is improving, and it'll be fun to watch his games. He lives and breathes baseball, so this weekend, and next weekend, are big highlights for him.
As the week went from very rocky at its beginning, to more calm now, I remind myself how fortunate I really am. Regardless of my happiness or frustration where work is concerned, I have a rock-solid family, who loves me, and I love them, and their talents and joy shine forth endlessly. God is so good!
Live this weekend with zest, and joy! As I always say, life's too short to sweat the small stuff (just pack it up in a box, and move out of the office.... the rest will fall into place with ease and grace). ha!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Heat of the night...
That used to be a TV show, and I think it was also included in some song lyrics... but it was most recently the status of our night last night! Thank goodness for the reconnected A/C today!!!!! We are adding an addition on our house, and the A/C unit was located right where the addition was going, so we had to have it disconnected, and moved. We were procrastinating having it reconnected, mostly just because we didn't need it all that much. But, out of the blue, yesterday's summer temps kicked in, and our indoor temperatures reached 84 degrees.... urgh! But, now, thanks to the technology of a great cooling system, our house is now a more comfortable 70 degrees, and it couldn't have come at a better time ~ today's outdoors high made it to 91 degrees!!! Wow.... gotta love summer.
However, it isn't just the temperatures that are "hot" lately... my mood has been too. I had a miserable day at work last Thursday (which I referred to in Friday's post), and the residue of that office stress rekindled itself this morning... merely driving into my parking lot at work kicked in the nausea and knotted up my insides. How does a person know what their purpose is in life? I wish I had the answer, but one thing I am guessing would be true, is that I wasn't intended to be in my current job for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'll do instead, but I sure would be open to new opportunities. Sometimes I ask myself "what should I do when I grow up?" Well, if swimming paid the bills, I'd be all over that one. Or, if I were already a published author, I could pour myself into that endeavor. What I'd really love to do, would be to go around the country speaking to groups, corporations, churches, schools, etc regarding suicide prevention, and surviving tragic loss. Wow, that doesn't probably sound very inspiring, but actually, I wish I could spread the word like that. But how does a person "do" that? How do you get your name out there, get "in the speaking circuit" as it were? If anyone knows how to launch yourself into the Public Speaking venue, let me know.
In the mean time, I will tough out my current job, listen to some of my own advice and use it as a learning tool to grow from this experience, and take it one day at a time.
Live life to the fullest... go for the risk, we only live once (yes, I'm trying to convince myself here).
However, it isn't just the temperatures that are "hot" lately... my mood has been too. I had a miserable day at work last Thursday (which I referred to in Friday's post), and the residue of that office stress rekindled itself this morning... merely driving into my parking lot at work kicked in the nausea and knotted up my insides. How does a person know what their purpose is in life? I wish I had the answer, but one thing I am guessing would be true, is that I wasn't intended to be in my current job for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'll do instead, but I sure would be open to new opportunities. Sometimes I ask myself "what should I do when I grow up?" Well, if swimming paid the bills, I'd be all over that one. Or, if I were already a published author, I could pour myself into that endeavor. What I'd really love to do, would be to go around the country speaking to groups, corporations, churches, schools, etc regarding suicide prevention, and surviving tragic loss. Wow, that doesn't probably sound very inspiring, but actually, I wish I could spread the word like that. But how does a person "do" that? How do you get your name out there, get "in the speaking circuit" as it were? If anyone knows how to launch yourself into the Public Speaking venue, let me know.
In the mean time, I will tough out my current job, listen to some of my own advice and use it as a learning tool to grow from this experience, and take it one day at a time.
Live life to the fullest... go for the risk, we only live once (yes, I'm trying to convince myself here).
Friday, June 8, 2007
Freaky Friday!!!
That's right! I think it MUST be a Freaky Friday, although I haven't switched bodies or lives with my teenager (for those of you clueless to the world of Disney, that's what happens in the Movie "Freaky Friday"). It's freaky, only because it's a mix of emotions for me...... sunny and warm (no more rain) stirs the happiness, goofiness, and upbeat persona within me; but the events of yesterday make me crabby, feisty, and somewhat ornery.
Have you ever said something, (or in this case, written something) and your own words come back to bite you in the butt?! (Thanks to my sister) I had to eat my words yesterday! My words for Wednesday's post were pretty ironic, and came back to haunt me yesterday. I was frustrated and ticked off about something (given that my boss could someday read this, I'll leave his name out of it... hahahah), and was venting to my sister on the phone. But she said "A wise woman once wrote..." (yeah, she's a smart one) but she was totally right! I had stubbed my toe on one of those darn rocks in my path, and was ready to chuck it where I thought it should be aimed, when she reminded me to look on the bright side (geez, don't you just HATE cheerful people, when you're trying to pout?). I went back to this very blog, re-read my words, and realized I had nothing to complain about. I'm choosing to practice what I preach, and will put the crabby, feisty, ornery thoughts aside today (try to flush 'em all together) and I'll instead embrace the sunshine outside (which comes about the time my soggy basement can't handle anymore rain anyway), and walk through today with a smile on my face. Besides, won't "they" wonder what I'm up to, if I'm cheerful and happy all day? (gotta love reverse psychology) ha.
I wish you all the strength to overcome your obstacles, the courage to face the difficulties, and the sense of humor to "make 'em wonder". Enjoy the weekend!!!
Have you ever said something, (or in this case, written something) and your own words come back to bite you in the butt?! (Thanks to my sister) I had to eat my words yesterday! My words for Wednesday's post were pretty ironic, and came back to haunt me yesterday. I was frustrated and ticked off about something (given that my boss could someday read this, I'll leave his name out of it... hahahah), and was venting to my sister on the phone. But she said "A wise woman once wrote..." (yeah, she's a smart one) but she was totally right! I had stubbed my toe on one of those darn rocks in my path, and was ready to chuck it where I thought it should be aimed, when she reminded me to look on the bright side (geez, don't you just HATE cheerful people, when you're trying to pout?). I went back to this very blog, re-read my words, and realized I had nothing to complain about. I'm choosing to practice what I preach, and will put the crabby, feisty, ornery thoughts aside today (try to flush 'em all together) and I'll instead embrace the sunshine outside (which comes about the time my soggy basement can't handle anymore rain anyway), and walk through today with a smile on my face. Besides, won't "they" wonder what I'm up to, if I'm cheerful and happy all day? (gotta love reverse psychology) ha.
I wish you all the strength to overcome your obstacles, the courage to face the difficulties, and the sense of humor to "make 'em wonder". Enjoy the weekend!!!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Rainy Wednesday ~
Rain, Rain, go away, come again some other day!!!!! We have a skylight in the lobby of my office building, and all I can hear as I type this is the rain pounding on it relentlessly!! It's one of those dreary, cold, dark days. But, despite the appearance of the day, my heart is happy and my thoughts are light!
I came across a quote I wanted to share today: [ Strength... we either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.] Wow, that's deep! How true though... I mean, when life throws a wrench into your perfect life, you can either chuck it at someone and moan about it's existence, or you can pick it up, use it to tighten whatever loose screws exist, and add it to your toolbox of life lessons. Each and every one of us has things in life that we either never expected to occur or wish could have had a different outcome. But regardless of the circumstances, there's not always a lot we can do to keep unpleasantness from landing upon us. So instead of walking through life counting the stones that have littered our path, we can gather those stones, put them together, and build a rock garden with what we learn from it all. I could go around all day, every day, ticked off about my first husband's death... but what good will that do me? And besides ~ how would a negative attitude change the reality of my loss? Instead, I have learned some invaluable lessons in strength and perseverance, as well as how to go through my days with optimism and gratitude.
It's not always as easy as it sounds, but with faith, patience, and the love & support of friends, please know that you can overcome whatever wrenches fall into your life, and you can walk along your particular path without tripping over the unwelcome stones that might appear in your way. Keep your chin up, know that you have me in your corner, cheering for you (all of you) and never forget the most important thing of all:
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I came across a quote I wanted to share today: [ Strength... we either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.] Wow, that's deep! How true though... I mean, when life throws a wrench into your perfect life, you can either chuck it at someone and moan about it's existence, or you can pick it up, use it to tighten whatever loose screws exist, and add it to your toolbox of life lessons. Each and every one of us has things in life that we either never expected to occur or wish could have had a different outcome. But regardless of the circumstances, there's not always a lot we can do to keep unpleasantness from landing upon us. So instead of walking through life counting the stones that have littered our path, we can gather those stones, put them together, and build a rock garden with what we learn from it all. I could go around all day, every day, ticked off about my first husband's death... but what good will that do me? And besides ~ how would a negative attitude change the reality of my loss? Instead, I have learned some invaluable lessons in strength and perseverance, as well as how to go through my days with optimism and gratitude.
It's not always as easy as it sounds, but with faith, patience, and the love & support of friends, please know that you can overcome whatever wrenches fall into your life, and you can walk along your particular path without tripping over the unwelcome stones that might appear in your way. Keep your chin up, know that you have me in your corner, cheering for you (all of you) and never forget the most important thing of all:
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, June 4, 2007
Monday Monday
Monday, Monday... isn't that a song? From the 70's? Yes, I was around in the 70's but just barely, haha. Those were the best days of my life... running around barefoot in the summer, riding my bike, no cares to bog me down! Well, those USED to be the best days of my life, but now I'd have to say THESE are the best days! I feel fabulous, alive, energized, fit, and wonderful!
We ran our 5k on Saturday. I would have liked to run it a little faster, but I can't complain about my time, considering it was my first one ever. I look forward to more in the future, and will try to shave my time down with each race I enter. But the day was perfect, I felt fabulous, and the best part of all was that I was running with a friend! If anyone would have told me a few years ago, that I'd be HUNGRY for exercise, or that I'd WANT to run, bike, or swim, I'd have told them they were NUTS! But I DO love it! There's a certain adrenaline rush, a certain endorphin boost that can't be beat! That, in addition to the satisfaction and pride you feel when you set your mind to accomplish something, and see it through to completion, is so rewarding! I wish everyone could realize how energizing, invigorating, and empowering exercise can be! Plus, you usually get to do it (whatever that "it" is for you) with friends~ how cool is that?!
I hope my overflowing peace and joy can ooze over to your day, and you have a wonderful week ahead of you! June is starting out amazing, and I hope you all reap the benefits of being happy! Don't sweat the small stuff, and embrace the good things that touch your day!
We ran our 5k on Saturday. I would have liked to run it a little faster, but I can't complain about my time, considering it was my first one ever. I look forward to more in the future, and will try to shave my time down with each race I enter. But the day was perfect, I felt fabulous, and the best part of all was that I was running with a friend! If anyone would have told me a few years ago, that I'd be HUNGRY for exercise, or that I'd WANT to run, bike, or swim, I'd have told them they were NUTS! But I DO love it! There's a certain adrenaline rush, a certain endorphin boost that can't be beat! That, in addition to the satisfaction and pride you feel when you set your mind to accomplish something, and see it through to completion, is so rewarding! I wish everyone could realize how energizing, invigorating, and empowering exercise can be! Plus, you usually get to do it (whatever that "it" is for you) with friends~ how cool is that?!
I hope my overflowing peace and joy can ooze over to your day, and you have a wonderful week ahead of you! June is starting out amazing, and I hope you all reap the benefits of being happy! Don't sweat the small stuff, and embrace the good things that touch your day!
Friday, June 1, 2007
June has arrived...
I really can't believe it's June already... where did the springtime go? When I think of spring, I think of mild days, sunshine, birds singing, flowers blooming, you know... all the lovely things the freshness of a new season can bring with it. Let me review our weather here.... rainy, rainy, rainy. Ok, so I'm exaggerating. Yesterday was a fabulous day after all... I enjoyed running along the river on my lunch break, along the Greenway Trail that was so fresh and nice. I had a hard time making myself return to work (indoors, no window, no sunshine... dreary). But wouldn't you know? As I ran, I didn't appreciate the beauty of my surroundings ~ instead, I was trying not to pull a muscle and concentrating on my breathing, wishing a different song would come through my headphones with a beat that would help me finish my run. That's the trouble with getting older and more busy.... the things you treasured when you had time to appreciate them, went unnoticed, but now that you realize what beauty surrounds you, you don't have TIME to appreciate those things, and long for the less complicated, less hurried days of your youth.
I think we all get in a "holding pattern" in life, and often forget to count our blessings. Even that phrase sounds cliche... how many times have I seen dishes in the sink and rolled my eyes over yet-another chore to complete? When in reality, those very dishes are a sign of having been well-fed, and well-provided for. Of course those are the points of view that would exist in the PERFECT WORLD..... we all know there is no such place in this lifetime. But, if I can step back from time to time, and see the many ways in which I'm more fortunate than I realize, I think I'd have a more balanced outlook, and be able to more easily find the silver lining in the clouds of my daily "stuff". Instead of lacing up my running shoes tomorrow (for my first 5k), and worrying about whether or not my left calf muscle is going to tweek or not, or wondering if the clouds are going to dump on us and rain-on-our-parade, I'll try to realize how fortunate I am to be ABLE to run, and how amazing it is to have the health, strength, and desire to set a goal for myself, and see it through to completion. Sure, I'll sweat, stink, and be out of breath, but those are all positive results from a positive experience (well, the "stink" part is questionable) ha.
I hope whatever your weekend holds for you, you take a brief moment to step back, realize that you're truly blessed, and always remember there's someone, somewhere, who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Take stock of your GOOD FORTUNE, and realize that the little things that might not be as wonderful, are just that ~ little things. Set a goal for yourself, pour your efforts toward it, and reap the rewards!
You're worth nothing less than all the desires of your heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we all get in a "holding pattern" in life, and often forget to count our blessings. Even that phrase sounds cliche... how many times have I seen dishes in the sink and rolled my eyes over yet-another chore to complete? When in reality, those very dishes are a sign of having been well-fed, and well-provided for. Of course those are the points of view that would exist in the PERFECT WORLD..... we all know there is no such place in this lifetime. But, if I can step back from time to time, and see the many ways in which I'm more fortunate than I realize, I think I'd have a more balanced outlook, and be able to more easily find the silver lining in the clouds of my daily "stuff". Instead of lacing up my running shoes tomorrow (for my first 5k), and worrying about whether or not my left calf muscle is going to tweek or not, or wondering if the clouds are going to dump on us and rain-on-our-parade, I'll try to realize how fortunate I am to be ABLE to run, and how amazing it is to have the health, strength, and desire to set a goal for myself, and see it through to completion. Sure, I'll sweat, stink, and be out of breath, but those are all positive results from a positive experience (well, the "stink" part is questionable) ha.
I hope whatever your weekend holds for you, you take a brief moment to step back, realize that you're truly blessed, and always remember there's someone, somewhere, who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Take stock of your GOOD FORTUNE, and realize that the little things that might not be as wonderful, are just that ~ little things. Set a goal for yourself, pour your efforts toward it, and reap the rewards!
You're worth nothing less than all the desires of your heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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